"I wish you joy and confidence living in your body, creating the life you long to have"
Early summer 2017, I suffered an anxiety attack that felt like death. Scared, I was on the floor of my upstairs office, I couldn't move, breathe, or talk. I desperately wanted to tell my kids and husband downstairs that I loved them, then peace washed over me knowing that they knew and I was ready to let go of this world. All of a sudden the constriction around my heart & lungs released. After that day, I went on a search to have that same peace in my mind and spirit again.
As with most young people, I was ambitious in my 20's, driven to see what was possible for me, and who I could become. Carving your place here on earth, crafting your identity, and standing in your own power is already challenging as is, but getting pregnant at 21, married at 22, and being told that we're now one body, it was difficult for me to understand how to BE the full potential of the individual me when I thought life is supposed to be "Us".
2005 I started the first women's only outdoor fitness boot camps in my region, and when business boomed, my husband joined me. Since then it has evolved into Victory Get Fit Club, a Mind & Physique Transformation Boutique for women in Federal Way, Wa. where we have helped change hundreds of lives.
Marriage & motherhood are beautiful and also consuming, then adding business partnership to the mix made for great ups but also very many lows that almost swallowed me up. I began to feel lost, further and further away from my Truth that I never realized was buried under piles of caring for others, people pleasing, need for inclusion and belonging, and the desire for success. I wish I could say that after my anxiety attack things quickly turned around after seeing a therapist for myself, an occupational therapist for my biz (who doubled as a marriage counselor), but it didn't. Then I found meditation teacher which helped combat the depression I unknowingly was living.
February 2018, my elderly aunt who has been living with me for 6 years almost died. In my depression, I did not see that she was also depressed, no longer eating, and shrunk down to 78lbs. dehydrated and barely could walk. I stayed with her in and out of emergency rooms, and it was my perfect escape route from my business that no longer felt a part of me or reflected the spirit and culture I had created. It's what happens when people pleasing, I lost myself. So I walked away from biz for a year and a half. I even despised it for being the cause of my poor mental health and all of the late night hours wasted away from my kids who were raised with me in the hustle & grind.
My aunt wasn't supposed to make it 6 months, let alone her 90th birthday, I had no experience being a caregiver, but I was determined. It took months to get her to eat, walk, and use the bathroom on her own again. Physical therapy and strength training became her saving grace. She made it to September & my huge family flew in to celebrate. She's now 91 and still here... her purpose hasn't been fulfilled. Her life is teaching me patience, grace, to stand up for myself, and most of all.... the importance of self-care of body, mind, and spirit.
I'm back to biz but with family & relationship priorities, time balance, emotional boundaries, a will to not give up, courage & confidence to speak my truth, and care for myself (I never understood before why she required regular fancy designed mani-pedis when she stays home most of the time).
But for that, I love you Auntie Fely.
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